Apologies for what may appear a word dump, but I just had a couple of thoughts in my head I wanted to get out there.

I have been doing a lot of self-reflection recently. Now, I want to avoid this being a navel-gazing post. No one wants or needs that. Navel-gazing is generally associated with being self-absorbed and very “me-me-me”. And I guess the point of this blog post is that this is what I want to avoid.

I do not want to be a self-promoter. And I am acutely aware that I have been guilty of this in the past, I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t. Now, I do not blame social media, and I think it has some outstanding advantages, particularly peer-support, sharing best evidence, and providing a space to vent and reflect with our colleagues. It is also an amazing way of flattening perceived hierarchies.

But social media allows us to create a public persona, a “character”, one that may not be our true authentic self. And I am painfully aware that I’ve been guilty of this in the past. I’m trying to improve. I’m a human being, and I make mistakes.

I don’t know if being an actor from the age of twelve, hiding behind a “character” has had something to do with this. So, I often struggle with who the real me is. Who is Craig? What drives me? And ultimately, what is my authenticity? Also, my acute mental health experience in 2015, where I was admitted as an inpatient following a stress-induced psychotic episode, now makes me view myself through a microscopic lens, overanalysing every single thing I ever say or do. For those who don’t know me in person, I am actually an acutely shy, introverted person and happier in my own company with close friends than in a crowd.

Returning to social media, too often it is used to share our accolades, our successes, our triumphs. I have been guilty of this. I’m not alone in doing so, but I am conscious that I have. Don’t get me wrong, there have been achievements that I have been proud of and worked hard for; some, possibly, I may not have always deserved, however, I am grateful for them anyway. But they do not make me, and they are not my authentic self.

So, that is my new focus, finding my authenticity. I’ve had great discussions this week with three inspirational women, who I hope consider themselves friends, but who most definitely are mentors and real inspirations to me. And they have genuinely helped me with having these frank, honest and difficult conversations about finding my authenticity. I want to give them a shout out because they are amazing. They are my RCN Nurses in Management and Leadership Forum colleagues Sally Bassett and Angela Sealy, and my new mentor for the Sigma Nursing Nightingale challenge Dani Collins. Also, I would be remiss not to mention my people Clare Manley and Jess Sainsbury and my colleagues at RCN Newly Qualified Nurses, who are a constant source of support. I want to thank each and every one of them publicly.

So what is my authenticity? What drives me? I’m not sure I know entirely yet. But what I do know is I believe in a world desperately in need of health equity for all. For our patients and service users, whichever they wish to be known as, to be at the heart of every decision made regarding their care, by working in coproduction with services. For us to achieve better standards for nurses in terms of professional development, pay, terms and conditions. And for us to always strive for equality, diversity and inclusion. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.

I do not want to discourage people from celebrating their successes because we need to celebrate nursing. But these cannot be our sole drivers. From now on in, I am going to try my best to ditch the public-facing, online persona I’ve created for myself. And to be the real me.

I am a work in progress; we all are. That is the nature of humanity and authenticity. I hope you have a fantastic weekend.

All my love Craig